Lots of women use sex toys, but it’s so much more fun when your man gets involved; exploring your sexuality together can make you feel closer, more intimate, and can be really hot to boot. Here’s some ways to introduce sex toys to your boyfriend.

Start slowly

Men can be a little bemused by sex toys; as a rule they’re not as socially acceptable for guys. This is rubbish, of course – they’re fun for everyone – but bear this in mind when introducing them to your man. Consider starting off with sex aids like lube or maybe some very light bondage. Instead of going full-on handcuffs to the bedframe, maybe tie you or your partner’s hands with a bandana or a spare scarf, and then, if it works for you, invest in restraining items further down the line.

Buy toys you can both use

Lots of solo men’s sex toys like Fleshlights or sheaths are seen as the domain of the lonely, sex-deprived bachelor. We all masturbate, so not making it as fun as possible seems crazy, but regardless, we’re not at the stage where masturbation aids for men are as ubiquitous as dildos are for women. With that in mind, toys like cock rings, which stimulate the man whilst bringing pleasure to the woman, are ideal. If you suggest it as something that benefits the both of you, it’ll take away some of the stigma of buying something just for him. Once he sees how good it feels, you’ll be well on your way.

Talk to each other

Some toys are more extreme than others, and it may be that your partner isn’t interested in going too far down this path. On the other hand, if things are going well, there’s no reason not to experiment. To gauge this, talk to your man frankly about his desires and festishes. This can be a really hard thing to do, and may take a lot of work and desire to communicate from both sides, but the results are truly worth it – you’ll feel so much closer and bonded once you’re on the same page. Sex is a massively important part of any relationship, and if you’re not communicating your desires to each other, you may be missing out on something really great. Also, at the risk of sounding brutal, if he’s not interesting in exploring things at all, and you’re very experimental, it’s possible you’re not the best match

Get the right toys

Once you know what really turns each other on, look into sex toys that suit your proclivities. If bondage turns up in discussion, start checking out collars and restraints; if role-play sounds sexy to you, invest in costumes or outfits. All these count as sex toys – it’s not all love eggs and anal beads. The important thing is to find out what you’re both comfortable with, and then start to play around. Start from a safe, secure base, and experiment from there. If you’re honest and respectful, you’ll find an increased closeness and passion with your partner.

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